Being Liked vs Being Loved: A Mental Health Perspective on Relationships

In many Indian households, relationships continue because responsibilities are being fulfilled.Bills are paid. Duties are met. Roles are played.

Yet, emotionally—someone still feels unseen.

This is where the quiet but powerful difference between being liked and being loved begins.

Being Liked Is About Responsibility

Being liked often comes from:

• Being punctual

• Fulfilling duties

• Providing financial stability

• Being dependable

These behaviours create structure and order in relationships. They are important for survival and stability. But responsibility alone does not guarantee emotional well-being.

A person can be highly responsible and still emotionally disconnected.

Being Loved Is About Emotional Presence

Being loved comes from:

• Being emotionally available

• Listening without rushing to fix

• Creating emotional safety

• Being present during distress

Love is not about performance. Love is about connection.

Why Mental Health Suffers in ‘Functional’ Relationships

Many individuals seeking counselling often say:“They take care of everything, but I still feel alone.”

This emotional loneliness inside relationships is a major contributor to:

• Chronic stress

• Anxiety

• Emotional burnout

• Depressive symptoms

A relationship may appear stable externally but remain emotionally unsafe internally.

The Cost of Emotional Absence

When emotional needs are repeatedly unmet:

• Communication becomes mechanical

• Affection feels forced

• Conflicts go unresolved

• Partners drift into quiet isolation

Over time, emotional disconnection affects not only the couple but also children, family harmony, and overall mental health.

Why Being Loved Heals

Feeling loved provides:

• Emotional regulation

• Stress buffering

• Psychological safety

• A sense of belonging

When someone feels emotionally understood, their nervous system relaxes. Their mind feels safer. Their resilience improves.

Love, in this sense, is not a luxury—it is a mental health necessity.

The Core Difference

Being liked makes a person dependable.Being loved makes a person emotionally safe.

One supports survival.The other supports healing.

Choosing a Partner: Why Settling for the Bare Minimum Backfires

Many people choose partners based on safety, social approval, age, income, or pressure to settle—telling themselves, “At least they are responsible,” or “At least they don’t cause trouble.”This is what we clinically call settling for the bare minimum—accepting responsibility without emotional availability.

In the beginning, this feels safe.But over time, it quietly turns into emotional exhaustion.

When a partner:

• Does not acknowledge your emotions

• Minimises your pain

• Labels your feelings as “overreaction”

• Prioritises logic over empathy every time

You slowly begin to shrink emotionally to keep the relationship stable. This emotional shrinking, sustained over years, is one of the strongest contributors to:

• Relationship burnout

• Resentment

• Emotional numbness

• Anxiety and depressive symptoms

• Loss of self-worth

  
  

Why Emotional Safety Matters More Than Stability Alone

Choosing a life partner is not only about choosing:

• A provider

• A protector

• A socially acceptable match

It is also about choosing someone who:

• Does not put down your emotions

• Does not mock your vulnerability

• Does not weaponise your honesty

• Does not treat your feelings as weakness

A partner who protects your emotional dignity protects your mental health.

The Long-Term Truth

When people suppress their emotional needs to “make the relationship work,” they often function well for a few years—and then collapse into:

• Chronic fatigue

• Emotional emptiness

• Irritability

• Withdrawal

• Relationship breakdown

This is why many individuals experience mid-life relationship burnout even in marriages that look “perfect” from the outside.

A Gentle Public Health Message

Choosing a partner should never be reduced to:✔️ Stability alone✔️ Family approval alone✔️ Fear of being alone

It must also include:❤️ Emotional safety❤️ Mutual respect❤️ The freedom to feel without being punished

Because no one burns out from giving love—They burn out from giving love where it is not emotionally received.